Starting a Family Meditation Practice

We are often most unmindful around our family because they are the people who are stuck with us!  Haven’t we all noticed that we react in negative ways quicker with our own children than with other people’s children?!  Unmindful behavior is when a reaction happens before the mind thinks about it. Alternately, when we are mindful, a response happens after our mind thinks about it.

When we practice mindfulness activities such as meditation, we are teaching our mind to consciously process sensory input and create a time buffer between the input and the response.  We are training our brains to override the “fight, flight, or freeeze” response set off by the amygdala and give control back to conscious thought, which takes place in the prefrontal corttex.

Mindfulness is a skill that needs lifelong practice, and just like other skills, “if you don’t use it, you lose it!” I would argue that it might be the most important skill that we teach our children.  And, as is true with all other values and skills we try to teach our kids, the best way to teach it is through example! There are many ways to promote mindfulness at home and many great resource books to help you.  Two of my recent favorites are 10 Mindful Minutes by Goldie Hawn and How to Train a Wild Elephant & Other Adventures in Mindfulness by Jan Chozen Bays, MD.

Cute kids books that introduce mindfulness and meditation include Mindful Monkey, Happy Panda, Peaceful Piggy Meditation, and Moody Cow Meditates.  Even my 9 year old likes these books.  Other inspirational books to read before meditating are I Am, Incredible You, Unstoppable Me, and On My Way to A Happy Life.

You definitely don’t need books and other resources to get started though!  You can’t go wrong with meditation.  The hardest part is actually stopping your daily ‘to do list’ and sitting down for a few minutes.  Meditating together with your family is a great way to strengthen your relationships too.  Doesn’t get more ‘quality’ that this!

Here are some meditation ideas to get you started.  These are great for the classroom too!

• Use your breath to ground yourself in the present moment.  Observe it: its smoothness, its rhythm, the sensation of it in your nose, in your belly, etc. As your mind wanders to analyzing past conversations, planning for future challenges, or what not (which it always will!), gently remind yourself that you can think about these things another time, but right now you are practicing observing your breath and being in the present.
• SIFT through your awareness. Start with S by noticing your body Sensations, then move to I and notice any Images or pictures that that are linked to your thoughts.  Next comes F for feelings and T for Thoughts.  Notice everything that comes into your awareness in a nonjudgmental, open way without labeling as pleasant or unpleasant.  Instead label things that arise as a ‘future thought’, a ‘past thought’, a ‘judgment’, a ‘sensation’, a ‘planning thought’, etc.
• One visualization to use with kids is to imagine that the thoughts, etc. are clouds and just watch them drift by.  When you notice yourself getting carried away by a cloud/thought, release yourself and come back to just watching and witnessing the clouds again.
• Similar to clouds, imagine you are sitting by a stream watching thoughts float by you.  They could be like little leaves or sticks.  Rather than hopping on them like they are a raft, just watch them float by.

Here’s a few tips to get a meditation practice going at home with your family:

• Talk to your kids about what meditation is and why its an important practice to add to your life.  One definition of the word meditation that I like using with kids is to ‘become familiar with.”  Some ideas include becoming more familiar with your your breath, the sound of a bell, your body sensations, your thoughts, your feelings, your dreams, a challenge in your life…
• Let your kids know that meditation is not something you can do wrong, there is no, “I’m good at meditating,” or “I stink at meditation.”  Its just something we practice where we listen to our bodies and minds and get more in touch with ourselves.
• Create a special place in the home to get away for a few moments to calm down after an argument, to contemplate life’s mysteries, to meditate, to do a few yoga poses, to rest before embarking on a challenging task (like making dinner or doing homework), or just to read and relax.  It could be as simple as a corner of a room where you place some pillows or a yoga mat, or as elaborate as a whole room with meditation cushions and a table or dresser to place special items of importance.  This table could include pictures of loved ones, items from nature, a candle, flowers, or a statue that symbolizes your values and beliefs.  Little bells are always fun to add and kids can ding them so that everyone knows they have chosen to take a ‘time in’.
• Choose a time daily or weekly to go to this special spot as a family for 5-20 minutes.  Add it to your ‘to do list’ or calendar and set a reminder on your phone to chime when its time.  Mornings before breakfast work well for some families and for others it is after dinner or before bed that works best.  It may even just be holding hands before you leave the house and taking a few quiet breaths together.
• Be comfortable when meditating.  If sitting cross legged on the floor isn’t comfy, then move to a chair or put a pillow under your tailbone to lift you up and take the pressure off your knees and hips.
• When you start to feel uncomfortable in a position, notice what you are feeling and sit with the feeling for a few breaths, often distracting itches and aches will dissolve away.  If you decide to move a bit to get more comfortable, try to do it slowly and mindfully.
• Eyes can be open or closed during meditation.  If they are open, just gaze softly into your lap, at a blank wall, or even at a mandala or piece of artwork on the wall.

Still feeling like you need a simpler way to start? Try an app! My favorite meditation apps to use with my kids are Breathing Zone, Lysa Rohan’s Gratitude Meditation, Simple Being and Take a Break by Meditation Oasis, Relaxing Sounds of Nature by Red Hammer Software.